Rachel Stevens

As the recent Stevens inquiry so vividly proved (Lord Stevens? They’d have got more out of footballers and agents if they’d sent Rachel Stevens), we still know little or nothing about football’s inner workings. The more we ask, it seems, the less we find out. Now, one of my new year’s resolutions is to stop banging my noggin against brick walls, so I no longer wish to know who is purchasing a plainly hapless Andorran centre back because the lady wife fancies new curtains in the extension paid for by last year’s arrival of the equally hopeless striker from Tierra Del Fuego. But there are, though, a score of questions — some serious, others more friv — to which I simply demand to know the answers before 2007 is out . . . Who is advising Jonathan Woodgate? It was a good idea to get him home from his Madrid nightmare, but who told him he had to return looking like an extra from a zombie movie? That recently-risen-fromthe-grave hair; those sunken eyes; baseball hats which make you suspect that he would rather avoid direct contact with sunlight . . . Welcome back, Jon, but why scare the children and servants? Who is advising Woodgate’s manager at Middlesbrough, Gareth Southgate? You may be among the least experienced of the Premiership coaches, Gareth, but surely no one is forcing you to dress like you’re going to a Friends Reunited disco? When will someone from BBC Radio 5 Live tell the otherwise excellent summariser, Chris Waddle, that there is no “z” in Arsenal? And therefore no such team as “Aahznaal”. While we’re about it, when will someone on Sky Sports tell the always engaging Paul Merson that Middlesbrough’s Lee Cattermole has got not just one, but two “t”s in the middle of his name. It’s OK, Paul, to have a London accent; just not Dick Van Dyke’s. Where does Paul Gascoigne get those shirts? You know the ones — they have collars borrowed from Harrier jump jets and look they once belonged to Harry Hill . . . Short corners: whose idea was that? Now that he’s very much on the comeback trail from his horrid broken leg, will someone be able to tell us why, after about an hour of every match, the luscious lips of Manchester United’s Alan Smith turn cobalt blue? In this age of rainbow-hued footwear, why don’t the team in the red shirts all wear red boots and the team in the blue shirts blue ones, so that the officials could more easily judge who got the last touch for corners and throw-ins, contentious penalty-area mêlées and the traditional “tangle of legs”? And as most players now sport gloves even when the spectators are slathered in sun-block, why doesn’t the FA make teams wear appropriately coloured mitts to help refs and linos see handballs, punches and “raised hands”? Short corners: has one ever worked? Even once? Even in a practice match? In training? After an excellent start made by Graham Poll in sending off Bernado Corradi, of Manchester City, for diving at Old Trafford, will we now see an English player sent off for the same offence? An English player from one of the so-called bigger clubs? An English player from one of the so-called bigger clubs, at home? How did players know where to run during the warm-up before the arrival, in recent years, of the now ubiquitous cones? Are footballers, managers, coaches, physios and their assorted acolytes now so pampered that they can only watch the game from one of those ludicrous first-class airplane seats? Why do all Sky’s presenters, commentators, analysts and, presumably, cameramen, wear suits and ties to watch football? When will the League Managers Association, instead of wringing its hands and whingeing about stability, finally back a board that has sacked a rubbish manager? Just once it would be nice to hear them say: “The board of Club A were absolutely right to part company with Manager X. He has proven to be an undiluted idiot. While holding down a salary that would cause the directors of British Telecom to blush, he has spent a pirate’s fortune on a succession of knock-kneed donkeys, sent out teams that play boring, defensive football and watched them wallow about in mid-table. Club A were totally spot on in kicking his ass to the bricks.” When will some far-sighted club give good old George Graham another chance? Are William Hill running a book on just how big Tottenham Hotspur’s leviathan midfield player, Tom Huddlestone, will be when he stops growing in a couple of years time? And, when that day comes, will Spurs cash in by organising coach trips round him? And to the summit? Short corners: why? Why is Lord Stevens, he of bung inquiry fame, not always referred to by his full title . . . Baron Stevens of Kirkwhelpington? Where the hell is Kirkwhelpington?

CES 2007: the USB guitar

Even rock stars like to cut out the middle man sometimes. The iAXE393 lets you record directly to your hard drive without any fiddly kit in between the two, and also lets you jam with your own MP3 tracks of Rachel Stevens AC/DC. Sadly, no Take That, Girls Aloud or Coldplay come included. Wonder why? Software is included to record multi-track rawk ballads and edit them to sound professional (i.e. like Slash, rather than like a hamfisted amateur), and there's a built-in headphone port so you don't wake the neighbours with your solos. Oh, and you can use it as a regular guitar too, by connecting it to an amp. The iAXE393 is out in the US and costs around $99, but apparently sells around the world, with us Europeans particularly keen. If Jimi Hendrix was part of the iPod generation, he would've owned one. Although hopefully he wouldn't have set fire to it.

E-mails raise troops' spirits

Dozens of troops who have served or are currently serving in Iraq or Afghanistan enjoy a cyberspace connection stateside thanks to the efforts of a Pell City woman. Rachel Stevens, the wife of a National Guard soldier, e-mails dozens of deployed troops from across the state each week. Operation Westside began three years ago as a way to let deployed military personnel know that they are being thought of back home, said Stevens, 39, who runs the ministry out of her church, Eden Westside Baptist Church in Pell City. "I just feel like they need to know that they're not forgotten," she said. "With all the anti-war people that are so against what is going on, I just feel like they need something positive from home." And now is an especially important time to let service members know that they are remembered, said Jacky Connell, pastor of Eden Westside Baptist. "A lot of people get on board on this around Christmas and Thanksgiving," Connell said. "But what about March the 3rd?" At her busiest time, Stevens said she was e-mailing about 100 different soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines. She currently keeps in touch with about 20 troops, whose names she gets from their loved ones, friends, church members and other military personnel. Harold McKay, 29, a staff sergeant in the Army National Guard, received e-mails from Stevens during his April 2004 to April 2005 deployment to Kandahar, Afghanistan. "It was neat because you had somebody there that actually thought of you," said McKay, a resident of Pell City. "You've got your family and friends and stuff, but (with) somebody that you hadn't met taking the time to talk to you -- that was neat." And Stevens said that's been a two-way street. When her father fell ill last year, the troops at the other end of her e-mails were supportive.

Hopes dashed

The New Orleans Saints -- the once downtrodden team that she's followed since childhood, the team that used to be referred to as the "Aints," the team whose fans went to games wearing paper bags on their heads -- were playing in the biggest game in the franchise's 40-year history. The 2006 Saints had lifted up an entire city -- a city that had endured Hurricane Katrina in 2005, the nation's worst natural disaster -- giving Sunday's NFC Championship game even more meaning. In the end, like many times before, the Saints broke their fans' hearts, losing to the Chicago Bears 39-14. "I'm sure it's just devastating and disappointing," Jackson said of what the mood must be like in New Orleans. "The Saints is all the city has to look forward to." Many football fans in Pensacola spent Sunday afternoon in bars or at home, filled with high hopes that their beloved Saints would advance to the Super Bowl for the first time in the team's history. "All the commentators, they got my hopes up because they all picked the Saints," said Jackson, who was raised a Saints fan in Lutcher, La., 20 miles west of New Orleans. Jackson watched the game with about 20 people, including her husband and daughter, at New York Nick's in downtown Pensacola. She stepped outside the bar twice -- once during the first half and again late in the game -- to cry. "It been a rough day for me," said Jackson, sitting at a table outside the bar as the game was winding down. Any hope the Saints would win Sunday started to fade early in the game. The Saints fumbled the ball after a 29-yard pass play on their first possession of the game. On their next possession, quarterback Drew Brees was sacked, lost the ball and the Bears recovered. "Ohhh," the crowd at Smokey Bones yelled in unison. The Bears scored field goals after both fumbles and led 6-0. "I would be more concerned if they were down 14-0 after two turnovers," said Rickey Duff Sr., 50, of Pensacola, who watched the game with family at Smokey Bones. At Kooter Brown's, all eight televisions were tuned to the game. The place was relatively quiet with the Saints down 16-0 with more than a minute left before halftime. Then, the Saints scored a touchdown, and the place erupted. Heather Ramsey, 31, who grew up in Slidell, La., jumped from her chair. "I'm a believer," said Ramsey, dressed in a Saints jersey. A win would have meant everything to Ramsey, who watched the game with co-workers. Katrina destroyed her parents' home, leaving only a slab. "Wow," she said, pausing a few seconds to think about a Saints win. "It means the glass slipper fits. ... It's a Cinderella story." Michelle Dandelakis, 36, and Rachel Stevens, 39, both of Pensacola, also watched the game at Kooter Brown's. They spent last weekend in New Orleans and watched the Saints-Eagles game in a bar. "It was wild," Dandelakis said. "The bars were packed." They hoped for another ending like last week's, but it just wasn't meant to be.

"You can't have wins. You can have faith," Stevens said.

Celebrity denim up for auction in aid of Jeans for Genes children's charity

Celebrity denim up for auction in support of charity Jeans for Genes at the Harrods Rocks Fashion Show on 22nd February Think of rock’n’roll and you think of denim. Skin tight jeans, customised cut off denim jackets and if you’re a Status Quo fan, maybe the odd denim waistcoat! That’s why Jeans for Genes is the perfect partner for the Harrods Rocks event taking place throughout February at the Knightsbridge store. Harrods Rocks celebrates the world of rock’n’roll with an exhibition of iconic guitars, owned or designed by some of the biggest names in rock and fashion. To tie in with a Jeans for Genes fashion show at the store on Thursday 22nd February, there will be an exhibition of jeans signed by celebrities which will be auctioned in support of the charity. Visitors to the store can make a bid at the exhibition on the second floor in a silent auction and amongst the pairs on offer will be jeans signed by Twiggy, Graham Norton, Charlotte Church, Gavin Henson, Jenson Button, Bryan Ferry, McFly, Javine, Rachel Stevens and the Channel Four presenter, Steve Jones. Jeans for Genes benefits from all the money raised from the auction. The charity funds pioneering research into the causes, treatments and cures for inherited conditions which affect children. It also helps to provide support services for families, weekends away and information for health professionals about very rare conditions. The Jeans for Genes fashion show will take place on Thursday 22nd February. After a champagne reception, ticket holders can enjoy a showcase of the latest denim brands. Joining the models on the catwalk will be celebrity models including: Sophie Anderton, Louise Brady and Hammasa Kohistani (Miss England 2005). There will also be two specially choreographed pieces to rock music from the English National Ballet and a performance by Lil’ Chris from Channel 4’s School of Rock.

Rachel Stevens

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